The Freaks Come Out at Night

We are taught from a young age that scary things happen at night. From parental warnings to horror movies; the message is clear: when it’s dark outside, get in your home and lock the doors. What was left off of that warning was that once nightfall hits, you should not only lock yourself inside but also make sure your young natives are slumbering in their caves.

Much like the gremlins, these cute and cuddly small creatures seem to flip a switch when the sun goes down - turning them into monstrous and frightening creatures. It is only to be expected, the foreshadowing was written long before the natives even came into existence. Lunatic is a word coming from the Latin, “Luna” meaning moon. Thereby the moon comes up and it draws out the lunatics.

It has been apparent from day one that the lunar cycle greatly affects natives. From the time they enter the jungle as infants nighttime becomes a dreaded part of the caretaker’s position, depriving the caretaker of sleep  as if there is an ear piercing miniature alarm that wakes you every several hours. Even as they advance in age the natives have an uncanny sense as to when their caretaker is just on the edge of dropping off into slumber; they chose this time to awaken. As the natives grow, this lessens, however a new and even more daunting behavior creeps in. It is more commonly known as the bedtime battle.

For a caretaker, nothing spells sweet relief quite like climbing into a warm sleeping-chamber at the end of a long day. For a native, the mere mention of pajamas in preparation for slumber creates a reaction comparative to an enraged gorilla. In order to avoid slumber the natives will work together to barricade themselves wherever possible; under beds, behind furniture, in closets - wherever possibly to elude their caretaker as she attempts to prepare them for their blessed 10-12 hours of slumber in their caves. If the caretaker attempts to remove them from their bunkers various objects will be launched at her and toddler-style obscenities will be shouted at her such as telling her she is a giant “poopy head” and they do not like her.

If she is successful in retrieving them from their bunkers then it takes a miracle to get them into pajamas with teeth properly brushed. No matter if she tries to pretend that the characters on their whimsical pajamas will give them super powers or if she creates a race between the siblings of how fast they can complete their routines, it is pointless.

Should the stars align and routines are completed along with stories, songs and cuddles only a fool would think the battle over. Then the train of excuses parades through. Requests for water, stuffed animals, additional stories, songs, cuddles are many; then comes the tugs at the heart strings in the form of the natives claiming to have seen shadows, heard noises, or perhaps they just want to snuggle on the caretakers lap as she attempts to have but 1 hour to herself before retreating to her sleeping chamber only to wake and do it all over again the next day.

Finally, after all is seemingly done and the jungle is quiet, sometime around 3 o’clock in the morning, a small native will creep silently into the vacant spot next to the caretaker. At that point there is nothing to do but surrender to the natives and pray for daylight.