Native Education

Any caregivers who have been through the process are all too aware, a native's acceptance into a good preschool can be a challenging task. After all, their acceptance is conditional. The grand finale of these obstacles is the preschool interview.
 

On the day of the young native's interview all seemed to be going very well. We arrived promptly, garments pressed and smiles on. I had alerted the natives prior to our arrival that in exchange for good behavior in front of the elders they would receive an enticing treat on the journey back to the jungle. Like I have said in the past, bribes are your friend.

After talking with me for a while to learn about our tribe and especially our young native, it came time for him to speak. The elders tried to call the young native to the table in order to hear from him about his perspective on this process. Apparently the young creature did not care to be spoken to at that time, nor did he care to speak. He displayed his displeasure with this by sitting upside down in his chair so that his feet pointed at the ceiling and his head rested comfortably on the floor. When the panel attempted to engage him he would respond by pressing his lips together and producing a sound that can only be compared to that of a bodily function that I’m sure if he could have mustered at that particular moment he would have also emitted. He then let his fingers touch the floor to brace him as he slid down the chair and gently tucked and rolled onto the carpet below. After he dismissed himself, he returned to playing with his sibling as well as the other children in the play area.

In hopes of salvaging the interview I decided it was time to pull out some of anecdotes about the young imaginative native that were sure to impress the board. As I began to talk I realized that the panel’s eyes seemed to have shifted off of me and onto the corner of the room. As their gazes turned from puzzlement to horror I could only imagine what sight had met their eyes. As I finally allowed myself to look to the corner I saw the young native relieving himself on the silk plant that sat decorating the lovely hallway. I nervously laughed and pointed out that the rule-book only specified that natives not utilize diapers during their time at preschool; and in fact it said nothing about where they are required to relieve themselves. The panel was less than thrilled.

Upon returning home I had to admit to myself that the young native may not be ready to join the tribe of elders in assimilation training for the "real jungle" On the plus side, his aim is impeccable.